Type D post.
I find it funny that this isn't a Type B post. The criteria for Type B is "I feel like total shit", and yet I don't. In fact, in reality, for possibly the first time in my life, I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It's actually quite funny. Here I am, the kind of person who's more sensitive to feelings than most guys, and yet I now feel nothing. No happiness. No sadness. No anger. No humiliation. No guilt. No pride. No worriness.
NOTHING.
Maybe a recent IM chat that I had with someone did the trick. Before the chat, I "felt like total shit", hence the string of Type B posts. Personally, I think the chat did the trick of taking away my sadness. Unfortunately, nothing replaced it.
So here I am. Not sad. Or happy. Or giving a shit, really.
Respond to this, don't respond to this, I don't really care anymore. Don't think it's necessary to. Why waste energy on feeling anything? I don't see the point.
The good thing that's come out of this is the fact that I'm no longer in danger of making a Type F post. The bad thing? You probably won't see Type C posts either. That's just how it goes I guess.
I think I've typed enough.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
A whiny little bitch without an audience
Type B post, trying hard not to make it Type F as well.
I no longer see reason in trying anymore. This is my 45th post here at Blogger (with my DJ TROOPERS song info post being 46th and possibly counting), and I might've reached the 70th all-time blog post mark by now. And still, the only person that nowadays ever replies to anything I type is somebody that I've never personally met before. It's a good thing we have no chance of ever meeting - otherwise that person would find out about my everyday self and realize just how awful of a person I really am (not "mean" awful, but rather "pathetic" awful). Those who know me face-to-face know better than to talk to me at all.
Besides, why bother with me when they've got they're own problems to deal with, right? Besides, I've never been talented in anything nor have I ever had close relations with anybody (including my own family), so why bother? It's not like I'm of real importance to anyone, so why should anyone bother with some insignificant emo asswipe who's never done anything in his life? People should instead pay attention to the ones they actually care about, and help them when they need it the most. Not some pathetic soul that Darwin's ghost would LOVE to see get removed from the species.
And to think that this isn't a Type F post. Go figure.
My two siblings would argue that they DO care about me because "we're family". Yeah, but are we friends? Do we talk to each other frequently, listen to each other's problems, help each other out when one is in an emotional hell, makes sure to let the other know that they'll be there for them and can count on them when they feel like offing themselves, and overall tries to be a good friend that can be counted on? We may be family, but are we friends? I didn't fucking think so. Knowing each other since birth doesn't qualify us as "friends". True friendship will qualify us as friends. And as siblings, even though you sure as hell are friends with each other, I'm only the "other guy too young to give a damn about". You two are more like old roommates of mine. My dad's like the boss no one ever wants to get too close and personal with but is still the "life of the party" that EVERYBODY talks to. My mom is like one of those poor overworked people that's full of emotional tripwires. Looks nice enough, and you really want to help the poor thing, but one tiny misstep and you trip over one wire, which makes you fall over and activate like 15 other wires as well. Before you know it, BAM! Onslaught! Taking damage! The hull can't take any more damage! And once everything's done you realize that in trying to help her you ended up emotionally ripped apart, limb by emotional limb. Now take into account my already-bad emotional state. And my lack of any emotional support.
This isn't a Type F post, and I no longer know why.
I no longer see reason in trying anymore. This is my 45th post here at Blogger (with my DJ TROOPERS song info post being 46th and possibly counting), and I might've reached the 70th all-time blog post mark by now. And still, the only person that nowadays ever replies to anything I type is somebody that I've never personally met before. It's a good thing we have no chance of ever meeting - otherwise that person would find out about my everyday self and realize just how awful of a person I really am (not "mean" awful, but rather "pathetic" awful). Those who know me face-to-face know better than to talk to me at all.
Besides, why bother with me when they've got they're own problems to deal with, right? Besides, I've never been talented in anything nor have I ever had close relations with anybody (including my own family), so why bother? It's not like I'm of real importance to anyone, so why should anyone bother with some insignificant emo asswipe who's never done anything in his life? People should instead pay attention to the ones they actually care about, and help them when they need it the most. Not some pathetic soul that Darwin's ghost would LOVE to see get removed from the species.
And to think that this isn't a Type F post. Go figure.
My two siblings would argue that they DO care about me because "we're family". Yeah, but are we friends? Do we talk to each other frequently, listen to each other's problems, help each other out when one is in an emotional hell, makes sure to let the other know that they'll be there for them and can count on them when they feel like offing themselves, and overall tries to be a good friend that can be counted on? We may be family, but are we friends? I didn't fucking think so. Knowing each other since birth doesn't qualify us as "friends". True friendship will qualify us as friends. And as siblings, even though you sure as hell are friends with each other, I'm only the "other guy too young to give a damn about". You two are more like old roommates of mine. My dad's like the boss no one ever wants to get too close and personal with but is still the "life of the party" that EVERYBODY talks to. My mom is like one of those poor overworked people that's full of emotional tripwires. Looks nice enough, and you really want to help the poor thing, but one tiny misstep and you trip over one wire, which makes you fall over and activate like 15 other wires as well. Before you know it, BAM! Onslaught! Taking damage! The hull can't take any more damage! And once everything's done you realize that in trying to help her you ended up emotionally ripped apart, limb by emotional limb. Now take into account my already-bad emotional state. And my lack of any emotional support.
This isn't a Type F post, and I no longer know why.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Type F post added, future now grim
Type B/D post.
I have cracked under the pressure and have now added the feared "Type F" post, aka "Mental Armageddon post", aka "Extreme Type B post", aka "Suicidal post", to the list of post types.
Now pray that I never have to use it. Otherwise, pray for my safety.
- siggy
I have cracked under the pressure and have now added the feared "Type F" post, aka "Mental Armageddon post", aka "Extreme Type B post", aka "Suicidal post", to the list of post types.
Now pray that I never have to use it. Otherwise, pray for my safety.
- siggy
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Still incredibly bored
Type B/E post.
[Sig Note: Ugh, you're gonna have to highlight each of the descriptions - I can't seem to make the damn text white. >:(]
[Sig Note: Ugh, you're gonna have to highlight each of the descriptions - I can't seem to make the damn text white. >:(]
| What personality do you have? |
 shy personality You are very conclusive, and don't exactly have a group of friends like most people have. You are quiet, and likely intelligent because all you do is think. This is a fantastic trait because you will be prepared for anything, and beyond that, you know that your close friends are truely friends, or they wouldn't speak with you at all. A quiet soul with a heart of gold. |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
| What type of anger are you? |
 Internel You keep it bottled up. I feel sorry for the one who ticks you off. Your a time bomb |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
| What kind of GUY do girls really think you are? |
 The Weird Guy Some girls see you as a mystery, other see you as a loner. You need to show the girls that you are a good guy, talk to them, tell them about yourself, let them know and see who you are. Don't change yourself though to make a girl happy, find a girl that loves you for who you are not what you could be. You need to get out more, meet new people, and who know you may just find the one. |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
| What's Your Personality? |
 Wounded You are wounded. You have put your trust into people and they responded in a way that hurt you. Either they left, betrayed you, or just treated you like shit. But even though they do this, you still love them and still stand by their side. You always seem to have your heart broken, and even though this may have happened many times, you still smile even though the pain. My suggestion? Try to make that smile become real. Make yourself happy before you make others. Also, choose your friends better. (nothing against them, obviously.) |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
| Discover the Real You |
 Lost Inside You have a painfully low opinion of yourself and often wonder if you are worthy of life. In actuality, you have bought your own lie. You were never a bad person, but you have tricked yourself into believing you are. Would an evil person really be this hard on him/herself? Perhaps you are the victim of a tragic past that still haunts you to this day... a past that makes you view the world from a negative standpoint. Whether it be to evade possible rejection or to save people from the "terrible" person you think you are, you live a life of isolation and seclusion as loneliness plagues you. You tend to put up a calloused, hardened front that prevents others from seeing the real you - a person crucifying him/herself inside because you don't meet your own standards of what constitutes a "good" person. Stop being afraid to let others see your inner pain. Stop being so hard on yourself, and allow your inner wounds the chance to heal. Take the risk of becoming close to others and know that, whether or not you realize it, you have a naturally good conscience and an unmistakable inner strength. What a shame it would be for someone with such intelligence and such a potential for greatness to never realize just what an amazing person he/she actually is. |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
| What life do you lead? |
 A fake one. You my friend are leading a fake life. I am deeply sorry. You hid behind the mask of a fool and most people can see right threw it. So just be yourself,, if you still know who that is. You are so busy worrying about what other people think about you that you developed a fake personification people see you as. When you say this is me,, you are lying. |
| How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic |
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Some random survey 'cause I'm bored
Type E post.
Just a quick note: my promised DJ TROOPERS post is coming (it's in draft mode right now), but since compiling the info is monotonous as hell, and since a friend of mine posted a survey (and since I'm bored and lonely), I might as well do this survey as well.
I'm probably gonna post this at MySpace as well (*gasp*), since nobody ever reads this blog.
_______________________
1. What's your screen name?
Sig Nuka
2. When and where did your last kiss take place?
>:( You sonuva... *hasn't had first kiss yet*
3. With who?
Doesn't apply motherfucker NEXT QUESTION.
4. Is he/she older or younger then you?
Again with th-NEXT QUESTION.
5. What are you listening to?
TOMOSUKE's Marmalade Reverie from his album "marble" (downloadable here, and fix the ID3 tags so that "Tomosuke" is in all caps and "Marble" is all lowercase).
6. What's your favourite month?
Either July (birthday month) or December (winter, X-Mas, and New Year's Eve).
7. Favorite sit-down restaurant?
WAS Jade restaurant (chinese food) here in Twin before it became no more. Now I dunno.
8. Where do you work?
Work? Me? HAH! :P
9. What's your boss' name?
Doesn't apply. :P
10. Do you play an instrument?
Tried to learn guitar once, but failed at that like most everything else. Unless you count ModPlug Tracker (of which I'm horrible at using anyway), then I don't play one.
11. What is/was your favorite class in high school?
Probably ESL Study Skills (still can't believe I actually qualified for it). Only class I can think of that I actually liked (Culture Class, from the same teachers the following year, was pretty meh).
12. Favorite sports team?
Chivas of course (Mexican soccer).
13. What book have you read recently?
Besides manga? XD Probably the "Welcome to the N.H.K." light novel (second read-through).
14. Do you own a dictionary?
My old Oxford English Dictionary / Thesaurus (from 8th grade, will still use it once in a while if I can't access Google for whatever reason), our huge Spanish dictionary, and our two English / Spanish dictionaries (both pretty small / old).
15. Last movie you saw in the theatre?
Stardust. Only movie I actually had some interest in seeing.
16. Describe the wall art in the room you're in.
My brother's frog-like tesselation from his high-school art class (air-brushed), an old Metroid Prime 2 calendar poster from EGM (and by old I mean 2005 old - hehe), and six framed pictures of sports cars from an old 2000 calendar we had.
17. Which friend lives the farthest away?
I dunno. Either my brother's ex-girlfriend Tiffany currently in Ottawa, or my grade school friend Katherine in Oklahoma.
18. What physically attracts you to the opposite sex?
If I could explain it in print, I would. Otherwise, I'll just say that they need to like video games, maybe anime as well, and for damn sakes they have to be a nice person overall (mean / wild people need not apply). Also, they need to be pretty patient with me (obviously, 'cause you'd have to be nuts to date me).
19. Have any pets?
Uh, no. We have bad luck with pets, and besides they're too messy from what my mom tells me.
20. What did you do last night?
Same thing I do every night (and day): surf the internet and hope that one day I get to talk to someone (you wouldn't believe how little contact I have with people).
21. Favorite American Idol?
HahahaNEXT!
22. Do you have an iPod?
4GB iPod nano (1st Gen). Got it like a few days before the 2nd Gen came out. Was pissed at first, but then I realized that I liked to use the back as a mirror (can't do that with 2nd or 3rd Gen nanos), so now I'm not so angry anymore. XD
23. Who is your cell phone service provider?
No cell. Don't really need one, since no one ever calls me anyway (literally).
24. When is your birthday?
July 24.
25. Have you ever had a crush on a coworker?
Uh, never worked. :P
26. What's for dinner?
Ate a Big Mac meal from McDonalds 'cause it's Sunday (it's a tradition now).
28. What was your last alcoholic beverage?
Champagne from New Year's.
29. What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Champagne is the only alcoholic beverage I ever drink. Tried Red Bull with Vodka once (my brother LOVES it). Tasted like pure shit.
30. Are you single?
You have NO idea how much I wanna say "no" to that, but I'm probably gonna be single my whole life. ;_;
31. Do you miss anyone?
I miss EVERYBODY, again because of the fact that I have so little contact with people (like one or two messages per MONTH at best, and I've gone like a month or two straight without a single message).
Just a quick note: my promised DJ TROOPERS post is coming (it's in draft mode right now), but since compiling the info is monotonous as hell, and since a friend of mine posted a survey (and since I'm bored and lonely), I might as well do this survey as well.
I'm probably gonna post this at MySpace as well (*gasp*), since nobody ever reads this blog.
_______________________
1. What's your screen name?
Sig Nuka
2. When and where did your last kiss take place?
>:( You sonuva... *hasn't had first kiss yet*
3. With who?
Doesn't apply motherfucker NEXT QUESTION.
4. Is he/she older or younger then you?
Again with th-NEXT QUESTION.
5. What are you listening to?
TOMOSUKE's Marmalade Reverie from his album "marble" (downloadable here, and fix the ID3 tags so that "Tomosuke" is in all caps and "Marble" is all lowercase).
6. What's your favourite month?
Either July (birthday month) or December (winter, X-Mas, and New Year's Eve).
7. Favorite sit-down restaurant?
WAS Jade restaurant (chinese food) here in Twin before it became no more. Now I dunno.
8. Where do you work?
Work? Me? HAH! :P
9. What's your boss' name?
Doesn't apply. :P
10. Do you play an instrument?
Tried to learn guitar once, but failed at that like most everything else. Unless you count ModPlug Tracker (of which I'm horrible at using anyway), then I don't play one.
11. What is/was your favorite class in high school?
Probably ESL Study Skills (still can't believe I actually qualified for it). Only class I can think of that I actually liked (Culture Class, from the same teachers the following year, was pretty meh).
12. Favorite sports team?
Chivas of course (Mexican soccer).
13. What book have you read recently?
Besides manga? XD Probably the "Welcome to the N.H.K." light novel (second read-through).
14. Do you own a dictionary?
My old Oxford English Dictionary / Thesaurus (from 8th grade, will still use it once in a while if I can't access Google for whatever reason), our huge Spanish dictionary, and our two English / Spanish dictionaries (both pretty small / old).
15. Last movie you saw in the theatre?
Stardust. Only movie I actually had some interest in seeing.
16. Describe the wall art in the room you're in.
My brother's frog-like tesselation from his high-school art class (air-brushed), an old Metroid Prime 2 calendar poster from EGM (and by old I mean 2005 old - hehe), and six framed pictures of sports cars from an old 2000 calendar we had.
17. Which friend lives the farthest away?
I dunno. Either my brother's ex-girlfriend Tiffany currently in Ottawa, or my grade school friend Katherine in Oklahoma.
18. What physically attracts you to the opposite sex?
If I could explain it in print, I would. Otherwise, I'll just say that they need to like video games, maybe anime as well, and for damn sakes they have to be a nice person overall (mean / wild people need not apply). Also, they need to be pretty patient with me (obviously, 'cause you'd have to be nuts to date me).
19. Have any pets?
Uh, no. We have bad luck with pets, and besides they're too messy from what my mom tells me.
20. What did you do last night?
Same thing I do every night (and day): surf the internet and hope that one day I get to talk to someone (you wouldn't believe how little contact I have with people).
21. Favorite American Idol?
HahahaNEXT!
22. Do you have an iPod?
4GB iPod nano (1st Gen). Got it like a few days before the 2nd Gen came out. Was pissed at first, but then I realized that I liked to use the back as a mirror (can't do that with 2nd or 3rd Gen nanos), so now I'm not so angry anymore. XD
23. Who is your cell phone service provider?
No cell. Don't really need one, since no one ever calls me anyway (literally).
24. When is your birthday?
July 24.
25. Have you ever had a crush on a coworker?
Uh, never worked. :P
26. What's for dinner?
Ate a Big Mac meal from McDonalds 'cause it's Sunday (it's a tradition now).
28. What was your last alcoholic beverage?
Champagne from New Year's.
29. What's your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Champagne is the only alcoholic beverage I ever drink. Tried Red Bull with Vodka once (my brother LOVES it). Tasted like pure shit.
30. Are you single?
You have NO idea how much I wanna say "no" to that, but I'm probably gonna be single my whole life. ;_;
31. Do you miss anyone?
I miss EVERYBODY, again because of the fact that I have so little contact with people (like one or two messages per MONTH at best, and I've gone like a month or two straight without a single message).
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A day late, but posted here nonetheless
Type D post (since nothing here is actually new).
As promised, here ya go: all current VH Nox except for Connery Submersible.
Piano Electronica (first version), (second version), (first version IIDX Cut)
Drum n' Bass n' Piano, (DDR Cut)
On The House
Once I fix Connery Submersible's ID3 tag, I'll upload it and post it here along with the extended version. Then I'll update the VH Nox section of the Idea Conservatorium with working links.
Next post (hopefully): beatmania IIDX 15 DJ TROOPERS song info & links to videos!
Until then...
- siggy
As promised, here ya go: all current VH Nox except for Connery Submersible.
Piano Electronica (first version), (second version), (first version IIDX Cut)
Drum n' Bass n' Piano, (DDR Cut)
On The House
Once I fix Connery Submersible's ID3 tag, I'll upload it and post it here along with the extended version. Then I'll update the VH Nox section of the Idea Conservatorium with working links.
Next post (hopefully): beatmania IIDX 15 DJ TROOPERS song info & links to videos!
Until then...
- siggy
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The Official Spike Racers Blog
Type A post.
The Official Spike Racers Blog has officially made its official debut! Woo!!
Note the lack of links back, and a lack of the "About Me" section - that's done for a reason. Also note the "SigmundX" name on the welcome text - that's my new tentative pen name. :D
I'll have story-related stuff up soon. Hopefully I can get my creative "flow" going by then. ^_^;
Well, wish me luck! ^o^
- siggy
The Official Spike Racers Blog has officially made its official debut! Woo!!
Note the lack of links back, and a lack of the "About Me" section - that's done for a reason. Also note the "SigmundX" name on the welcome text - that's my new tentative pen name. :D
I'll have story-related stuff up soon. Hopefully I can get my creative "flow" going by then. ^_^;
Well, wish me luck! ^o^
- siggy
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