Sunday, January 13, 2008

A whiny little bitch without an audience

Type B post, trying hard not to make it Type F as well.

I no longer see reason in trying anymore. This is my 45th post here at Blogger (with my DJ TROOPERS song info post being 46th and possibly counting), and I might've reached the 70th all-time blog post mark by now. And still, the only person that nowadays ever replies to anything I type is somebody that I've never personally met before. It's a good thing we have no chance of ever meeting - otherwise that person would find out about my everyday self and realize just how awful of a person I really am (not "mean" awful, but rather "pathetic" awful). Those who know me face-to-face know better than to talk to me at all.

Besides, why bother with me when they've got they're own problems to deal with, right? Besides, I've never been talented in anything nor have I ever had close relations with anybody (including my own family), so why bother? It's not like I'm of real importance to anyone, so why should anyone bother with some insignificant emo asswipe who's never done anything in his life? People should instead pay attention to the ones they actually care about, and help them when they need it the most. Not some pathetic soul that Darwin's ghost would LOVE to see get removed from the species.

And to think that this isn't a Type F post. Go figure.

My two siblings would argue that they DO care about me because "we're family". Yeah, but are we friends? Do we talk to each other frequently, listen to each other's problems, help each other out when one is in an emotional hell, makes sure to let the other know that they'll be there for them and can count on them when they feel like offing themselves, and overall tries to be a good friend that can be counted on? We may be family, but are we friends? I didn't fucking think so. Knowing each other since birth doesn't qualify us as "friends". True friendship will qualify us as friends. And as siblings, even though you sure as hell are friends with each other, I'm only the "other guy too young to give a damn about". You two are more like old roommates of mine. My dad's like the boss no one ever wants to get too close and personal with but is still the "life of the party" that EVERYBODY talks to. My mom is like one of those poor overworked people that's full of emotional tripwires. Looks nice enough, and you really want to help the poor thing, but one tiny misstep and you trip over one wire, which makes you fall over and activate like 15 other wires as well. Before you know it, BAM! Onslaught! Taking damage! The hull can't take any more damage! And once everything's done you realize that in trying to help her you ended up emotionally ripped apart, limb by emotional limb. Now take into account my already-bad emotional state. And my lack of any emotional support.

This isn't a Type F post, and I no longer know why.

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