An impossible challenge

If there's one thing I learned from my MySpace blogs, it's the fact that no one cares if you celebrate your 10th, 15th, or 20th post with a bunch of videos that you like or not - not only will no one see the videos, but you are less likely to see a response if you post such unnecessary crap.

Which is why I won't do anything other than let everyone know that this is my 10th post here and my 40th ever blog post - six at 1up.com, 20 at MySpace, four at Windows Live Spaces, and 10 here at Blogger.

Now, I'll probably only post here if either A: something semi-important happens (like a significant manga addition or new wallpaper that I "made" or something similar) or B: I feel like complete and total shit.

Since nothing important has really happened, you're seeing the latter.

Some people believe in an omnipresent being, and they have many names for this being or sometimes beings. Most will refer to this as religion. I myself am not a religious person, although if I were asked my religious beliefs I would respond with "Catholic". However, if I could name the omnipresent force/being I would give it the one name that truly fits.

Fate.

Fate has been very very cruel to me. It robbed me of the only chance I had of seeing my friends for the first time in a year and a half (way back in late December of '06). It makes sure that I withdraw from society. It prevents me from establishing non-sporadic contact with people I know. It creates various problems for my computer that I cannot fix without reinstalling the whole damn thing. Worst of all, Fate is slowly trying to send me into a psychotic rage that would surely get me into an insane asylum, therefore shutting me out of the world even further. In fact, I think Fate is trying to kill me, although when it comes to that I think Fate is not so damn lucky (a big nyeh to that).

Fate has prevented me from getting anything higher than a ninth-grade education. I literally learned nothing in high school because I was repeatedly put in easier classes so that I wouldn't fail them - big mistake considering the fact that I understood very well the more advanced stuff, I just didn't do it (apathy played a big part). I say understood because by 12th grade, I really didn't know the stuff anymore (which is sad). If it wasn't for the GED and HSE (High School Equivalent) I'd still be in high school. Nowadays I've forgotten most everything and I probably couldn't pass a ninth-grade test if I tried.

Fate has scared me into not wanting a driver's license (I mentioned this in an earlier blog post I think - I don't remember). I really don't think I even have a sufficient mental ability to drive a car. Hell, I can barely use a pencil now, much less drive.

Fate has made me an idiot. And I'm not talking about an academic idiot (I just mentioned that). I'm talking about an everyday-life idiot. Basically, I have the life experience of an eighth grader. Now, I say eighth grader and not ninth grader because I've seen ninth graders drive. On second thought, I think I have the life experience of a sixth grader (or less) because I have yet to know of this "love" thing that everyone talks about. Apparently you get hugged or something, I really don't know.

Fate has basically turned me into an angry, idiotic, psychotic hermit of sorts. I even have the walk, hunch, and hygiene habits (among other habits) of one. Basically, I'm about as much of society's scum as you can get to be without drugs or alcohol.

The challenge? Make me happy. I fucking dare you.

Boredom IS a good thing

Hells yeah, baby.

I messed with my saved Terragen file again, this time adjusting many things including water properties, atmosphere, cloud properties (which actually is the source of the blue shown), camera position, tweaks to the sunlight position, and maybe other stuff that I don't really remember right now. I also set the detail up all the way because it kinda looked like crap otherwise.

So now it's my new wallpaper. Bitches.

I fucking love Terragen. :D

I fucking hate Valentine's Day

Quoted from a Facebook note I made yesterday (technically yesterday because it was past midnight) because I'm too lazy to make a new post.

_______________________

I honestly can't stand it. And these "gifts" that Facebook has only makes it worse. This holiday and everyone that enthusiastically celebrates it just makes me sick, and on top of all of that every reference to Valentine's Day that I see sends me into a blinding rage unmatched by anything I ever experience throughout the entire year.

Every year it's the same damn thing. Hallmark cards. Roses. Chocolates. Teddy bears. And romantic singing. TOGETHER. ALL OF IT TOGETHER. IT PISSES ME OFF, EVERY FUCKING YEAR IT PISSES ME OFF.

Fucking pricks. All of you. You all ~love Valentine's Day, don't you? Yeah, that's right - every single one of you absolutely LOVES Valentine's Day. Why? Because apparently it's a holiday of love, of romance. And everybody LOVES romance. Why shouldn't they? It's what makes the world go 'round.

I personally haven't experienced anything close to a romantic experience in my goddamn life, and by the looks of it it won't ever happen - I guaran-fuckin'-tee it.

Call me biased, call me jealous, call me a loser, call me a MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE WHAT THE FUCK ANYONE FUCKING CALLS ME. I FUCKING HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

I can't stand it. And it's still technically over a day away [actually today now].

I need everyone's help here - how do I cope going through a holiday like this in the heavily depressed condition that I am in? Please respond, and please do it soon, because I can't take it anymore. I can't fucking take it anymore.

Tonight's gonna be a horrible night, I just know it. <:/

And yes, that's a smiley. I hope...

_______________________

Ugh, actually every night is horrible.

Anyway, in case you're wondering (yes, all one of you that ever reads this), I'm probably not going to explain my previous post anytime soon. And it's not from a lack of want - it's from a lack of ability. ^^;;

Anyway, I leave you here today with this thought: to everyone else, today is Valentine's Day - to me, it's fucking WEDNESDAY! >:(

- siggy

I think I might be mentally insane by now

I'll hopefully post details about it soon (or at all), but I believe that I am in the beginning stages of legal insanity. Maybe. I honestly still don't know, and I could either be delusional right now or I may be more insane than I'm letting myself to believe.

But if I'm correct, this could be the starting moments of what might ultimately lead me to a mental institution. I might be wrong though (I certainly hope so - I'd like to have my arms unrestrained thank-you-very-much).

I might be insane. Ever expected that from me? Probably yes.

I might be completely insane. I don't want to go to a mental institution though because they tie up your arms and legs and if you have to scratch your nose you won't be able to which won't help your condition at all. I don't like those places as a result.

I fucking hate Valentine's Day. Whoops - sorry, wrong date (that's actually for a future post).

I'm insane. Maybe legally. Plain and simple.

Insanity. Such bliss. Such horror. Such complexity. Such simplicity. Such such such such.

I'm insane. I think. Maybe. I honestly don't know.

I might explain this in a future post. MIGHT. Until then...

- siggy

Updated manga collecton

New additions

Lunar Legend Tsukihime volume 2: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I finally have this book after searching Barnes & Noble, Hastings, Amazon, Borders, eBay, Waldenbooks (which turned out to be part of I think Amazon - who'da thought, eh?), and some other sites that a friend recommended me. This was about a month ago (maybe more), and I had been checking Barnes & Noble.com every day ever since.

Last Thursday (not the day before yesterday - it was one week before that) I checked B&N.com as usual, and LO AND BEHOLD - it was finally available. I convinced my dad to take me to Barnes & Noble right then and there so that I could order it immediately before they ran out (I remember volume 3 going out of stock after only a few days). The order arrived today, and just a few hours ago I picked it up along with another book that I found in-store...

Dr. Slump volume 6: This whole series is pretty funny (and there's some moments that are absolutely hilarious), so of course I had to get this one. Unfortunately, I don't think B&N has volume 7 in-store, so I might have to order that one. Hopefully though I can find it in-store the next time I go (like I have with the first six volumes).


BTW, for those of you who don't know why I'm so excited about having the second volume of Lunar Legend Tsukihime, just check my Windows Live Spaces profile for the info. ^_^

Siggy out.

Edit: My Blogger profile has a link to my WLS profile BTW - just click on my webpage link to go to it.

More bitching, more whining

There's a total of four reasons on why I haven't attempted suicide yet.

1 - I'm way too lazy to even start planning a successful attempt, much less actually carrying it out.

2 - I'm too much of a wuss to actually do it. (I haven't even started the "self injury with blunt objects" thing that I promised myself about a month ago that I'd start)

3 - I don't want to get in trouble again like I did back in seventh grade.

4 - There's still a few people that I want to see personally first before I make a decision on whether or not I'd actually do it.


So don't fret - I'll probably still be alive in the coming months. Hopefully at least.