Even more bitching, even more whining

Type B/D post.

This post is an update of this post, which listed my reasons of not attempting (or even thinking) about suicide. Specifically, I'm gonna review my reasons and see if they're still true, and to what extent.

"1 - I'm way too lazy to even start planning a successful attempt, much less actually carrying it out."

Right now, yes. Wait until I fulfill Reason #4, then all I would need is a very crappy mood and I could very easily take this reason out.

"2 - I'm too much of a wuss to actually do it. (I haven't even started the 'self injury with blunt objects' thing that I promised myself about a month ago that I'd start)"

Again, given the right mood, I could take this reason out as well.

"3 - I don't want to get in trouble again like I did back in seventh grade."

This one's tougher to take out. If anybody in my family were to see this post (very highly unlikely, but never say never), I might get in trouble anyway. Now, can you imagine how much trouble I'd be in if I started considering suicide? I wouldn't see the end if it. ;_; If I get insane enough and depressed enough though, I might not care (but I'd have to wait until I can fulfill Reason #4 before I attempt anything).

"4 - There's still a few people that I want to see personally first before I make a decision on whether or not I'd actually do it."

And here's the real reason why. Specifically, there's three people in total that were on the list at one time or another. Current status?

Person#1 - Gave up on when I found out that no one had heard from this person in months.

Person#2 - Gave up on thanks to a sudden circumstance beyond our control. I've never personally met this person before, but now I may never get to meet this person (moreso since this person doesn't even live in the US). Fucking shame, too. :(

Person#3 - Still have hope for. If things go as planned, I might see this person next year during a trip to Twin. Worst-case scenario, another sudden circumstance will happen that'll cancel the trip.

Basically, I'm pretty damn sure that by August of next year (at latest) I can safely eliminate Reason #4 from the list, and after that the only real thing that would be stopping me from attempting anything is mood. So in a sense, if I don't see some kind of professional help by August of next year, I could be an EXTREMELY volatile individual, MUCH much more than I am now. Yes, you read that right: worst-case scenario, you could start seeing Type F posts by summer of next year, which would basically be "uber Type B" posts. In short:

"Type F: I'm having a mental Armageddon - IF YOU SEE A POST OF THIS TYPE, CALL 911 NOW, AS I AM PROBABLY SUICIDAL AT THIS POINT"

But you won't see Type F on my "Types of Posts" list anytime soon - which means that I don't plan on having suicidal thoughts anytime soon. Now you've been updated on why. ^_^

So don't fret: I'll STILL be alive in the coming months. Well, hopefully at least (especially now with my occasional bouts of batshit insanity - ugh).

- siggy

[Sig Note: Opera SUCKS for typing blogs (or anything for that matter) in-browser, so I typed this on Notepad - complete with HTML and stuff. Take THAT, Opera! Nyeh.]