Unsorted Shit 3 might come sooner than I thought

Especially after today and possibly tomorrow.

Type B post by the way (yes, again), so shield your eyes and hide the children.

A couple hours ago, I saw a couple of my friends for the first time in almost 2 years. I have changed SO much since then, but they have changed NOTHING, which was not only a big let-down, but also ended up being very dangerous to my self-esteem.

They were only here for like a half-hour at most, but during that time I accomplished something I had hoped would never accomplish again.

Basically, I proved to them that I am quite possibly the most pathetic excuse of a living, breathing object that has ever had the misfortune of existing. Again.

I do this every fucking time I see them. Every fucking time. And after each time, I get so pissed off at myself that it borders suicidal (although remember from a previous post why that border can't be crossed). Oh, but I keep trying - I keep trying to prove otherwise - I keep trying to prove that I am by no means a pathetic excuse of a living organism. However, something always happens and I always end up on the butt of SO many jokes that it's not even fucking silly.

Honestly, one of these days I'm gonna just snap and start showing a side of myself that I have never shown anybody but myself (I mention that side in my written work known as "Somewhere" - go to my final MySpace blog post and read it if you haven't already).

The last time I felt this shitty, I made "Unsorted Shit 2" (check my MySpace blog). I consider the Unsorted Shit series a last resort (I have a notebook that I only write in as a second-to-last resort) before I start attempting self-injury or worse.

Worse still, you know my aforementioned friends? They're coming back tomorrow (supposedly), and they'll be here for a longer period of time. Honestly, I fear for my life come tomorrow night when they'll most likely be gone. I don't want to attempt self-injury, I really don't.

I'll post some Type D stuff tomorrow or Monday, and I just hope that it doesn't end up being a Type B post as well.

Here's hoping.

- siggy

P.S.: Yes, I know that this post makes little sense - this post is a perfect example of "venting like crazy". Sadly, you'll probably see these kinda posts more often. T_T