Unintentional cryptography

Type B shitfest, so you can go ahead and hit that back button on your browser 'cause there's nothing of interest to see here.

Today and yesterday have been quite interesting. Yesterday I was told that I speak in code. What I understood of it was that it's hard as hell to understand what I say. So I did some thinking: if a person can't understand what I say, then why the hell should they ever listen to me? Which is why no one ever reads my posts - no one can understand them. Hell, I rarely post anything because I can barely understand my own thought processes. I've attempted to understand my thought processes twice now by putting them on print form and looking over the results. Both attempts are listed on my MySpace blog as "Unsorted Shit", and both attempts made me realize just how fucked up my thought processes really are.

Yesterday and technically today have both been "eye-opening" days. I keep telling people ever since I started blogging at MySpace to look at my blog posts and to comment on what has been said and provide some feedback. This continued with my move to Blogger, and I had hoped that by being at Blogger, I would eventually attract a larger audience.

Since my audience right now consists of exactly one person (you know who you are), everything that I have done in order to receive a response to everything I have said have all been in vain. Hell, I even made AUDIO BLOGS back in November/December of last year so that people wouldn't have to read my unintelligible rantings. How did it work out? NO DOWNLOADS. So I stopped.

Why do I lack an audience? Why do my attempts of being heard fall flat? Because NO ONE UNDERSTANDS SHIT ABOUT WHAT I SAY. I'll bet you anything that this blog will only ever be read by cryptography enthusiasts and clinical psychologists. Because to the rest of the world, these words are gibberish.

Now, I say yesterday AND today, because last night, right before falling asleep, I was thinking again. Pondering if you will. My most likely future is probably a hobo living in the streets, and I therefore might not live to see my 40s. Why? 'Cause I know how to do JACK SHIT and my ability to learn is next to nothing. I know nothing, nor can't I ever learn anything. You want proof? Okay, here's proof: I can't make my own bed, I can't ride a bike or swim, I started to shower by myself at around junior high, and I lack proper social skills. Some people need proof that I really am extremely pathetic, so I just gave them some proof. I hope you're fucking happy now.


My ability to learn is extremely low, so more than likely I'll be homeless in a few years and I might not even live to see my 30s, much less my 40s. The more you know me, the more you know that it's true even if you don't want to admit that it's true.

Change of subject. Do I need psychological help? YES! That's the end of the fucking argument! You'd have to be EXTREMELY oblivious to not have noticed that by now. Will I get psychological help? NO, IT'S WAY TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE! That's the end of the fucking argument! If we can't afford more memory for my computer, then how in the fuck can we afford to check and see just how mentally fucked I really am? It's a fucking miracle I have a computer, and miracles never happen twice. I should know.

Another change of subject. These blog posts are the only places where I willingly open my big fat mouth and yap yap yap. This is what results when I talk: a shitfest. Hence, I rarely ever talk. I'm an idiot and I talk like an idiot and I act like an idiot and I respond like an idiot and I start idiotic conversations like an idiot. So I rarely talk or respond, and I NEVER start a conversation. EVER. I'm probably the biggest dumbass when starting conversations, so I'll never start them.

And people expect me to get a girlfriend one day? HAH. That's a fucking hoot.

...

In truth, my continuing actions bothered me last night. Why do I act so idiotic constantly? Why do I keep insisting on getting noticed by at least three different people for once? Why do I keep thinking that maybe one day my ideas will become a reality, when in truth I'll probably never have the skill to accomplish such feats? Why do I keep BITCHING AND WHINING WHEN IT MAKES ME MORE OF A LOSER THAN I ALREADY AM?

Why do I post?

Honestly, if no one will read this no matter what I do, why do I bother? It's not like that'll change.

...

I've been thinking of closing down this "Random Rantings" blog. I'll probably keep the House of Media up though. I dunno why. No one sees either of these blogs anyway. Just a thought though.

Honestly, this blog is like a diary of sorts. EVERYONE has the possibility of reading this blog, while diaries are completely private. With both though, no one reads it but the one who wrote it. In my case though, no one reads it NO MATTER WHAT I DO. How interesting.

I'm ending this before it becomes a Type E post.

- siggy