"I can't express myself"

Remember that?

Now before I explain, I need to do something here. Starting now, I'm gonna start labeling my posts as either "Type A" or "Type B" posts.

Type A: Something semi-important happened (like a new anime purchase or something).
Type B: I feel like complete and total shit, and will hopefully explain why.

I may add a "Type C" label in the future if I can ever think of what it could be.

Now that that's said, this is another Type B post. Shield your eyes.

Recently, a friend of mine posted a link to a Wikipedia article on Facebook and asked how many of her friends could understand it.

A link to the article in question

Out of the five people that's responded so far (including myself), I'm the only person that couldn't understand a thing that it was saying. How fucking sad.

I personally saw this as, "Oh, you wanna make music? Then you must understand this or at least the concept of this. If you can't, then you will NEVER be a musician."

The average human is lucky, because the average human could understand something like that, even if it is "horribly worded" as one person pointed out. I'm a fucking dumbass though, so I was left with a blank look even after the fifth scan-through (I can't actually read that article).

I'm not sure if I've said this yet, but I tried composing four different midi files a few months ago. I have yet to complete them, and I will probably never finish them because my "cool song ideas" ended up sounding like pieces of shit from the get-go. I wanted to be a musician because I couldn't be an artist (I can't draw circles, much less stick figures). I even saved up enough of my allowance to buy an electric guitar (which will forever stay in its case because I could never learn how to play it, even with the "instructional DVD"). Once I found a free MIDI composing program, I started composing some songs.

I never finished. I never will. I lost the little motivation I had of doing it, and I more than likely won't be receiving any motivation from people anytime soon (hell, I don't think anyone even KNOWS that I tried to make midi files yet). So I quit trying to be a musician.

Seeing the responses to the Facebook note that my friend posted was basically the final nail to the coffin of the idea that I wanted to be a musician.

Now, since I'm definitely no author (I have a horrible vocabulary), any idea I will ever receive will not only suck, but will also never escape my mind. Which is good for the world, but is driving me to the brink of legal insanity.

"Oh, but in time you could learn, right?" No. See, I lost the ability to learn around tenth grade or so (which is around the time that I started failing tests - something that had never happened before). I wanted to learn Japanese too, but since I can't learn anymore I can kiss my Japanese skills bye-bye.

Now, I stated a challenge before: "Make me happy. I fucking dare you." That challenge still stands. I fucking dare anyone that's reading this to make me happy. Not "smile" - this isn't a challenge to make me smile, it's a challenge to make me happy.

I personally think it's an impossible challenge. Prove me wrong.